crazy.

i'm thinking about making a rash and crazy decision.
but i think i'm going to go with it.
go with your gut, right?!

"patience is a virtue, my child"

fuck that.
i'm super impatient.
but it's getting the best of me.
causing me to rethink, have doubts, go crazy.
this is also where my anxiety comes into play.
i've got to control it.
remind myself that i have the upper hand in the battle between me and my emotions.
everything will work out just fine.

i cant...

even begin to describe how much i love blake.
there are no words for it.

ups and downs and ins and outs

blake and i have multiple options for what we want to do right now.

but we can't decide what.

i wish this was easy.

i'm ready for us to just get our life started.

if only it were that simple.

he's gone. :(

blake left last night.
sucks so bad.
but i'm trying to stay positive.
like he told me, this is the next step to the rest of our lives together.
it will all be worth it.

i'm making budgets and i'm gonna save money.

i think we might have a date for the wedding.
may 1st 2010.
it's still up in the air though.

readyreadyready!

"i want you staple gunned right to my side all of the time"

blake's leaving for louisiana friday.
it's really hard for me and it sucks.
but i know it's for the best.
he really wants to get down there, straighten up and make money.
his goal is to be able to bring me and ryann down there to live.
so i've got to be supportive and stay strong.

i hate money, i hate bills, i hate the government.
i hate society.
i hate what our world thrives on.
i wish it wasn't all so complicated.