"you took a chance on a bruised and beaten heart...

...then you realized you wanted what you had."

i'm to the point where i feel like i will always be second best.
to the point where i don't want to let anyone in ever again.
i should stop caring.
stop wanting.
be happy with being alone.
it's a lot harder than that though.

i'm working back at chucks furniture.
i'm glad to be back.
having money is exciting!
i feel bad for my mom though.
she keeps ryann for me while i work,
and ryann is a little terror.
anybody know of any inexpensive but trustworthy child care?!

as for that whole "i'm interested thing".
idk what i'm doing.
i'm terrified.
nervous.
unsure.
ugh.

i've found myself turning to things i told myself i wouldn't anymore.
but i thought it was helping.
really, it all has crushed me completely.
i don't want to become something i'm not.