figuring myself out.

i'm reading the book "crank".
it's definitely ineresting.
while reading it, i realized something about myself.
in the book, adam (who's a heavy user of crank and gets the main character Bree into it as well) says to Bree:
"with you i am adam. and you are my beautiful eve. lets run away, find our garden, live there together, happy. naked."
and as i read this, i find mysef melting.
thinking how romantic that is.
then i start finding myself jealous of Bree, the main character.
but then, i really started to think about it.
and all that bree and adam's relationship consisted of was drugs and sex.
but yet, i still found myself jealous.
that is when i realized my problem.
i always see past the worst in people.
and i dig really deep and find any possible good in them.
when it comes to being a friend, that is a good trait for me to have.
i could be a very good supportive friend to someone who really needs it.
but i am realizing that when i'm looking for a significant other to maybe spend my life with, i don't need to look past the worst.
i need to analyze everything about them.
consider the best and the worst and really think before i make any actions.
it seems that whatever i was doing before never seemed to work, so i need to make changes.
and i really think this is a big change that will help.

anyways.
i have my dr. appt today for my medicine.
hopefully they give me something that will help a lot.
i want to be happy all the time!